Friendship
by plumtuckered
Summary: Captain Archer and Commander Tucker come to terms after the events involving the Vissians.


Author's note: This takes place just after the episode "Cogenitor". Like many other writers, I just felt there needed to be more so this is my take. Kind of sappy but I love the Archer/Trip friendship and I just thought this may have been what happened. I don't own any of these characters but they sure are fun!  
  
Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated!  
  
  
  
FRIENDSHIP  
  
  
  
Captain Jonathan Archer stared at his plate willing himself to take a bite of his hash browns. His gaze wandered to the empty chair to his right; the chair normally occupied by his always-cheerful chief engineer and long time friend, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III.  
  
"Have you seen him?"  
  
Jon looked across the table at his Vulcan science officer, Sub-commander T'Pol. She sipped her water while she waited for his response.  
  
"No. Not since I told him of the suicide," the captain replied quietly.  
  
"He isn't doing well."  
  
Concern for the closest friend Jon had ever known took sudden precedence over the anger left in the Starfleet captain. The Vissian cogenitor's death had affected Jon more than anything else he'd come across in the vast expanse of space. He remembered every word he'd said to his engineer and now he cringed outwardly.  
  
T'Pol set her glass down. "He hasn't been sleeping or eating. He is visibly shaken. Perhaps you should talk with him."  
  
"I wouldn't know what to say," Jon whispered. He hesitated, feeling a sudden tightening in his stomach. "I told him her death was his fault."  
  
Though it was subtle, T'Pol's expression changed. Her dark eyes pierced him. "I by no means condone what Mr. Tucker did but the cogenitor died by it's own hand, not by the commander's."  
  
"I was angry, T'Pol."  
  
"I'm curious, Captain. You have known the commander for several years so why would you intentionally do him emotional harm by blaming him when even limited knowledge of Mr. Tucker would dictate he'd blame himself?"  
  
Jon sighed. "Like I said, I was angry."  
  
"It is apparent that the commander's definition of friendship differs from your own," T'Pol said flatly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"When you have---meddled in other cultures in the past, I have seen Commander Tucker support you without hesitation. Even when he hasn't agreed with your actions he has still supported you as a friend. He has referred to you as his best friend on many occasions. Based on his previous behavioral patterns, I am certain he would not have waited four days to console you. He would have offered you consolation immediately."  
  
Realization hit Jon like a ton of bricks. "I turned my back on him," he murmured.  
  
"Captain?"  
  
"Thank you, T'Pol. I need to go."  
  
  
  
Jon found Trip alone, deep in a maintenance shaft in the belly of the ship. As he approached his friend, he heard an angry curse and had to quickly dodge a thrown wrench.  
  
"Hey, watch it!" he said lightly.  
  
Trip turned around to face his commanding officer. "What are you doing here, sir?" he asked formally.  
  
Jon bent to pick up the wrench then handed it to his engineer. "I came to see you. To see how you're doing," he said gently.  
  
The commander stared at him for a long moment then turned away to focus again on his work. "I'll have the engineering status report on your desk this afternoon."  
  
"I'm not here to check up on Commander Tucker. I'm here to check up on my friend," Jon said. He moved to stand beside the engineer. He looked across at his friend, noting the dark circles, pale complexion, and tense jaw muscles.  
  
"I didn't think you saw a difference between the two," Trip said evenly.  
  
"Trip," Jon started. He reached out to lay a hand on the commander's arm but Trip moved away.  
  
"Clearly our friendship meant more to me than it did to you, sir. I would have never abandoned you, turned my back on you. As my captain you were right to reprimand me for what I did. Hell, I'm lucky you didn't demote me or ship me back home 'cause I certainly deserved it! But I guess I expected more from you as my friend." Trip shook his head. "Pretty stupid of me, huh?"  
  
Jon was stunned at how unemotional Trip sounded, so matter-of-fact. "I'm sorry," he said. "In all the years we've worked together, we've never had a conflict like this one as officers or as friends. I'm struggling here, Trip."  
  
Trip continued to work but his rate of breathing visibly increased. He wiped angrily at a stray tear that rolled down his cheek.  
  
Jon waited for a response. "Trip?" he finally prompted.  
  
"I'll have the status report on your desk this afternoon, sir," the engineer managed.  
  
Jon shook his head in quiet resignation then turned and walked away.  
  
"Cap'n?"  
  
He stopped. Like four days ago, it was a plea from a friend in need. But four days ago, Jon had turned away. Now he moved back to Trip's side instantly.  
  
The engineer stood still, his eyes downcast. "I killed her," he murmured.  
  
"No you didn't Trip," Jon replied gently. "You didn't know she'd take her own life."  
  
"But she did it 'cause I showed her something she could never have. Something she never even asked to have. I did kill her, Cap'n. And I can't---," Trip's voice faltered, his face clearly showing the struggle going on internally.  
  
"Why did you do it?"  
  
The engineer kept his eyes focused on the panel on which he'd been working. "I just wanted to teach her to read, Cap'n. It seemed like such a simple thing at the time. I knew that I was wrong to trick the Vissians, but I just had to help her, show her she was as good as the others." He smiled ever so slightly. "She was reading in one day. Only one day. She reminded me of Dorothy in that old Wizard of Oz movie. You know, when she lands in Oz and then opens the door from the old gray of Kansas to the bright colors of Oz?" Trip paused and wiped another stray tear away. "Then she wanted to see Enterprise, where I worked, where I lived. I didn't know it would lead to where it did, Cap'n. I really didn't."  
  
Jon laid a hand on Trip's shoulder.  
  
"I was told I was no longer welcome on the Vissian ship so I thought that was it," Trip continued. "I know I really pissed 'em off but I still thought I was right to help Charles." He closed his eyes briefly and took in a steadying breath. "Did you know she named herself Charles?"  
  
"No," Jon replied softly.  
  
"When she showed up in engineering and asked to stay, I think a part of me knew how badly I'd messed things up but there was still that part of me that had to help her at any cost." Trip shrugged. "The rest you already know," he finished weakly.  
  
Jon watched his friend for a long moment as he tried to desperately come up with the magical words that would take Trip's pain away. He realized sadly that there were no magical words. Trip had to live with this for the rest of his life and that hurt Jon to his very soul.  
  
"I can't tell you I agree with what you did, Trip," the captain began.  
  
"I know that, Cap'n," Trip interrupted. "I'm not making any excuses for myself and I'm not asking you to say anything. I know that it'll take a long time to win back my captain's trust but I just have to know that our friendship is okay."  
  
"Of course it is," Jon replied giving Trip's shoulder a gentle squeeze. He saw another tear slip down his friend's cheek. "You need to let it out, Trip," he urged.  
  
The engineer shook his head. "I can't," he murmured.  
  
"Come on, Trip. You'll feel better."  
  
"I don't deserve to feel better, Cap'n. I need to keep it here as a constant reminder of what I did." Trip laid his hand on his chest as he spoke. "I need to keep it here for Charles."  
  
  
  
T'Pol shut the door to engineering then turned and scanned the room for Commander Tucker. She saw him standing on the walkway, which ran the perimeter of the big cavernous room. He was staring at a data padd intently, apparently unaware of her presence. She stood and watched him for a moment. A month had passed since the cogenitor's death and T'Pol had kept a close eye on the young engineer. He had changed and that bothered her more than she cared to admit. The commander acted like he was fine but T'Pol sensed pain underneath the surface. She knew the captain had made a point to spend time with his friend, to try to coax him through his misery but to T'Pol there was no apparent success in those efforts.  
  
"Commander," she called as she stepped further into the room.  
  
He looked up from his padd. "T'Pol?"  
  
"It is 07:55."  
  
Tucker moved to the head of the steps and quickly descended them. T'Pol noted how he moved determinedly now, lacking the bounce he once had. Oddly, T'Pol missed his normal stride and movement.  
  
"So?" Tucker asked expectantly as he stood in front of her.  
  
Not even his usual smile, thought T'Pol briefly. "You have forgotten," she responded.  
  
Tucker dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Look, T'Pol, I'm awfully busy here so why don't you tell me what you need," he sighed.  
  
"Breakfast in the captain's mess. As I recall, you promised him you'd be there this morning."  
  
He looked up at her and T'Pol watched his eyes closely. Gone was the odd hint of mischief she had often seen in the past and she silently mourned its loss.  
  
"At 08:00, I forgot."  
  
"I will walk with you."  
  
The two officers left engineering.  
  
  
  
"Something on your mind, Sub-commander?" Trip glanced at T'Pol as they walked. "You could have just comm'd me, you know."  
  
T'Pol tilted her head. "I was in the area, Commander."  
  
Trip squinted his eyes at her in puzzlement. "Oh, right, in the area," he sighed then focused his eyes on the floor before him. He could feel those dark eyes on him and he knew she wanted to talk to him, tell him how badly he'd screwed things up, how lucky he was to still be on-board, and finally, how he was a disgrace to his uniform and to his captain. But Trip already knew all of that. The agonizing ache he'd kept at bay deep in his soul reared its ugly head and he closed his eyes.  
  
"How are you feeling, Mr. Tucker?"  
  
The question surprised Trip and he stopped to stare at T'Pol. The Vulcan stopped as well and looked back at him unblinkingly, awaiting his reply.  
  
"What?" Trip managed.  
  
"I wish to know how you're feeling," T'Pol responded. "You have been quite distant lately. You appear tired and I believe you have lost weight."  
  
"I'm feeling fine, T'Pol. Thanks."  
  
They looked at each other for a long moment then T'Pol turned away and continued up the corridor. Trip watched her for a moment then quickly caught up.  
  
  
  
As Jon made his way to his private mess, he realized that he felt hopeful for the first time in a long while. He'd been hoping they'd find an M class planet on their current heading so that he could take his engineer away from the constant reminders of the cogenitor and as luck would have it, T'Pol had detected one the day before only a few light years away.  
  
He smiled as he entered the small room. He saw Trip already seated with T'Pol directly across from him. Jon took his seat at the head of the table.  
  
"Hey Trip."  
  
Trip started slightly. "Oh, hey Cap'n," he said with a small smile.  
  
Jon's smile faded. He missed his friend. The man seated beside him was still Trip but he was somehow broken and Jon was at a loss as to how to help him heal.  
  
"Something wrong, Cap'n?"  
  
"Huh? Oh no, I was just thinking. Did T'Pol tell you about the planet we're orbiting?"  
  
Trip leaned back so the steward could put his plate down. "No," he responded. He pulled his napkin from underneath the silverware and placed it in his lap.  
  
"It is Minshara class," said T'Pol.  
  
"Hmmmm," replied Trip. He took his fork and idly stirred it through his eggs.  
  
"I was thinking maybe you'd like to take a break and join me for some exploring," Jon said. Even to his ears, it almost sounded like a plea.  
  
Trip put his fork down and pushed back from the table. "I'm sorry, Cap'n, but I've got a lot to do. And since I'm not very hungry, I think I'll just get back to engineering."  
  
Jon grabbed Trip's wrist, staying the engineer. "I think you need a break, Trip. Please," he urged.  
  
"Cap'n, I need to work."  
  
"I can make it an order, Commander," Jon said firmly.  
  
Trip looked at him for a long moment. "Yes, you can," he responded simply.  
  
Jon released his friend's wrist then turned back to his plate. "Meet me in the launch bay in 30 minutes. And that's an order."  
  
Trip stood and silently left the room.  
  
Jon dropped his fork on his plate in frustration.  
  
  
  
The ride down to the planet's surface was quiet. Trip stared out the side view port, watching the blue and green sphere, as it got closer. He sighed. Space used to be such a mystery and he loved it. Now it was cold and somehow tainted.  
  
The captain landed the pod in a grassy meadow and both men exited. Trip looked up at the brilliant blue sky and shaded his eyes with his hand.  
  
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Archer said from beside him.  
  
"Reminds me of home," Trip replied sadly. He turned and grabbed one of the big bags from the pod. "What kind of exploring did you have in mind, Cap'n?" he asked as he hefted the bag.  
  
"That kind," replied Archer, pointing his finger at a snow covered peak.  
  
Trip swallowed the sudden nausea he felt. "You want to climb a mountain?"  
  
"Yeah. It's not exactly a mountain, probably not more than a pretty treacherous hike, but there's a rock face we can climb." Archer looked at him. "Trip? What's wrong? You used to love mountain climbing."  
  
"Nothing's wrong. I just don't think I'm up for it today," Trip replied lamely. The pain in his soul made itself known again and he turned quickly away, fighting to regain his control. A mountain. Why of all things did the captain want to climb a mountain?  
  
Archer stepped around so he was facing Trip. "What is it?" he asked gently.  
  
Trip was tired. The fight to keep everything pent up and reined in was taking its toll and he took a deep breath, fighting for that control he needed so much. The memories came rushing back and they staggered him.  
  
The captain grabbed his arm and gave it a gentle supporting squeeze. "Trip?"  
  
"She wanted to climb a mountain," Trip whispered tightly. He could feel the dam crumbling but he forced the emotions back down with every bit of strength he had left.  
  
"What do you say we climb it for Charles, then?" Archer said softly.  
  
  
  
Jon waited for Trip's reply. He could see the struggle going on inside his friend.  
  
"You've got to let it go, Trip."  
  
Trip shook his head in defiance. "I can't," he replied, his voice cracking.  
  
"You're killing yourself, don't you realize that?"  
  
The engineer just shrugged. He looked up at Jon with tired eyes. "You wanted to climb it? Well let's go climb it so I can get back to my work." He hefted the bag over his shoulder and began walking toward the base of the peak.  
  
They climbed in relative silence. Jon watched Trip make his way up over the rocks with purpose. They didn't stop until they reached the top. The peak wasn't very high but the view took Jon's breath away. Laid out before them was a rich green valley. Jon turned full circle, taking in the other peaks and valleys. He marveled that he could see all the way to the horizon in every direction. He looked at Trip. His friend had his head down and his eyes squeezed shut.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Charles would have loved this, Cap'n," Trip choked out. He ran both hands through his hair then grabbed the back of his head, interlocking his fingers. His elbows blocked his face from Jon but the captain could hear his harsh breathing.  
  
Jon stepped around in front of his friend and waited in silence, watching.  
  
Trip dropped his arms and looked at his captain. "I can't do this anymore, Cap'n," he murmured. "I'm tired of feeling this way, of hurting all the time but I don't know how---," his voice trailed off.  
  
Jon stepped up and wrapped his arms around his friend. Trip initially tried to push him away but the captain kept his grip. After a moment, Jon felt the first sob escape the engineer's body. He held on tight as all the pent up emotions were released.  
  
"Let it go, Trip. Just let it go," Jon coaxed gently. He felt his own tears as they spilled slowly down his cheeks.  
  
When the sobs had finally subsided, Jon helped Trip to sit on the ground.  
  
The engineer wiped at his face. "Thanks, Cap'n."  
  
Jon turned his head and looked out at the valley before them. "So you think Charles would have loved this, huh?"  
  
Trip nodded. "I can picture her face. She would have been grinning from ear to ear. Everything was so new to her, Cap'n. Her excitement was contagious."  
  
"I know how that feels," Jon replied.  
  
Trip looked at him with a puzzled expression.  
  
Jon chuckled. "I met a young man once who was like that. Still is actually. Oh, he gets himself into trouble a lot but his joy for life and his big heart always seem to get him through. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be the man I am today without him in my life. He's my best friend, the only real family I have left."  
  
"And I thought you just kept me around because I was the only one who'd watch water polo with you."  
  
Jon looked at Trip with lifted eyebrows. "Oh, I wasn't talking about you, Trip."  
  
The smile was real, the first one Jon had seen in a long time. When Trip actually laughed out loud, Jon felt the weight lift from his shoulders. He gently patted his friend on the back then they both turned their attention back to the spectacular view before them.  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
